Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda, but Didn't

So, many of you may not be aware, but I considered homeschooling for a while. I researched it, picked a curriculum to use, and even started working with Sister when she was four-years-old. It was about a week before the start of the school year in 2007 when she said to me, "Momma, I want to go to school. You're boring." So, I checked out the local elementary and was appalled by the rudeness of the secretary. Next, I went to my old public elementary and enrolled her there. So, for kindergarten, Sister went to public school.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I had already started teaching her reading and she had attended a very academic preschool which taught her writing; so kindergarten didn't teach her much of anything. I asked the teacher on numerous occasions to challenge her more. "Maybe instead of coloring the sheet, she could write a story on the back about the picture." Her teacher said no. She said, "I only have to teach the curriculum. I don't have to do anything additional. If you want her to do more, do it with her at home." When my child stated that you don't go to school to learn, just to play with your friends, I started to wonder why I was sending her to school. My largest concern came when I knew the following year she'd be in school all day. That would be a lot of "play" time and wouldn't leave much time for "learning" if it was only happening at home.

So, I again considered homeschooling, but she again begged to go to school. Thus, we decided to put her in a Catholic private school. We love it! She is academically challenged with additional assignments and loves her classmates. I also adore that her day is filled with talk of our Catholic faith and love of God. The uniforms are a HUGE plus for me as well. Being that she is tall, and that the trends of fashion are not modest for young ladies right now at all, it is lovey to not have to deal with the trial of trying to find appropriate clothes for every day of the week.

The downside is that it is expensive. Quite a budget crunch for us. It is especially tight for us as I am completely at home right now. I'm not even holding a part-time job as I have over the previous six years. Due to my dh's current position, his hours don't allow for me to teach in the evenings as I did before. I love being at home. Kids grow so quickly and I don't want to miss a moment. Still, with my dh not being Catholic, it is really my choice to do the private school thing. Therefore, it makes me feel like I'm slacking not bringing in an income.

Last winter we had a HORRIBLE child care experience. I worked full-time for the legislature during the last session. The home care place we found, which seemed lovely when we toured it, was a nightmare. Fortunately, my WONDERFUL parents stepped in and watched the kids full-time. After session ended, and we thanked them profusely, they made it clear that the next time I went back to work, we needed to make sure we chose our child care more wisely so they wouldn't have to do that again.

On top of the child care issue, my dh is not accustomed to household chores. It isn't that he doesn't help. He is a super dad and husband. It's just that things like laundry, homework, healthy dinners and such don't occur to him. While I was working full-time, my weekends were crazy with chores and we had basically no family time.

So, now I'm wondering what to do. If I go back to work, it would be full-time as there aren't part-time jobs available in my career field. If I go outside of my career field, I wouldn't get paid enough to make it worthwhile with the expensive of child care. If I work full-time, we would have very little family time as my evenings would be filled with grading and planning, and my weekends busy with chores. On the other hand, I could pull Sister out of private school and send her to the public school or try homeschooling her again.

Am I making this a bigger deal than it should be? Should I just trust in God to provide? I've never been that good at putting it all in God's hands. I like to be in control. I like to make educated decisions and trust that they were best because I checked out all the options.

In the end, I have to consider where I am most committed. If I'd really been committed to homeschooling, I wouldn't have sent Sister to preschool in the first place. If I had really been okay with public school, I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of getting approval for a transfer to a different public elementary school. So, now I just need to figure out how to make this new budget to work so that our family can be comfortable with the amout we have and okay about the things we have to go without.

Still, at times like today, when I am enjoying my children all together and I'm reading all these wonderful blogs by homeschooling moms, I think about the alternatives and what I could do with that additional money. I guess we'll have to see how I feel at the end of the week. (=